


Til It's Gone

by liv_andlet_die



Series: Little Talks [8]
Category: Nightwing (Comics), The Flash - All Media Types, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Best Friends, Birdflash - Freeform, Emotional, Hurt Wally West, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Blood, Pain, dickwally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15219041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liv_andlet_die/pseuds/liv_andlet_die
Summary: Wally has a problem he can't run away from this time. Dick tries to help him deal with the consequences.





	Til It's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> After posting the last two fics, I realized that I've put Dick through a lot of shit?? Like?? Way too much. So now it's Wally's turn to have some issues, and Dick's turn to be the shoulder to lean on. It's a real kick in the ass, this one. 
> 
> Also, this is kind of where the plot is starting to come in? I'll get into it more in the end notes. For now?
> 
> Enjoy!

It started like heartburn. A subtle ache in the chest, something akin to nausea. Wally didn’t pay much attention to it.

Then it was like a broken rib, sharp and deep, making it kind of hard to breathe. Most of the time, when it was important, he could ignore that too.

Until he couldn’t.

Until it’s like his chest is being ripped open from the inside out, an agony like nothing he’s ever felt before. Like he’s being pulled apart at the seams.

His vision went white the second he hit 100 miles per hour.

He’d collapsed. His legs had buckled under him the second the pain started. He wasn’t even going that fast, no where near his top speed, and yet the suit still barely managed to save his skin from being torn up along the gravel as he came to a scraping halt.

The pain in his chest had muffled the voices in his head, dulled the world around him like cotton in his ears. He barely felt the hand on his face, couldn’t see the mask hovering over him, half-hidden face screwed up in terror. The world had quickly faded into searing heat and agony.

It was his powers. That’s what the doctor had said when he’d finally woken up in a hospital gown. Something about not integrating fully into his system. A side effect from gaining them just before hitting puberty. Barry hadn’t thought to check what the Speedforce might do to a growing boy. No one had.

His heart. That was where the damage was concentrated. The speed at which running forced his heart to beat was too much, putting too much strain on the organ. That was where the pain was coming from. Mini heart attacks, his body requiring his heart to beat at a speed it couldn’t keep up with.

It was killing him.

He could never run again. Not without continuing to harm himself.

Just the thought of it made him angry. All he’d ever wanted was to become a hero. And he couldn’t even do _that_ right. Even now, as a full time college student, he couldn’t give up the life entirely. The pull was too strong, the adrenaline too addicting. He didn’t want to retire, even with his studies taking up so much time.

And now he was being forced to. He doesn’t get the choice. Not if he wants to live.

He couldn’t even look at Dick when they’d gotten the news. He knew those blue eyes would break him down the second they looked into his. They’d know exactly what he was thinking when he heard the words ‘never run again.’ He couldn’t look at anyone. Not Iris, not Barry, but especially not Dick. He’d excused himself the moment they’d gotten back to the Cave, locking himself in the bathroom.

Now, he’s looking at his own reflection, trying to recognize the face – the eyes – staring back at him. But he can’t. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want to die.

But he wants to run.

The face staring back at him changes. The lips twist up into a sneer, green eyes glinting with anger, and suddenly there’s a fist sailing towards him. The glass shatters on impact, and Wally blinks, staring down at his own blood covered knuckles in mild confusion.

Oh.

He doesn’t really think about it. He never thinks anything through. He’s angry and panicked and he doesn’t want to look at that face anymore, staring back at him through a million pieces of shattered glass.

So he runs.

He just about makes it to the top of the mountain before the pain flares up, rocketing through his chest. He falls to his knees in the dirt, gasping for breath through the waves of fire within his ribcage. Wally turns on his knees, falling to the ground flat on his back. His arms splay out beside him as he stares up at the stars.

The pain starts to dull again as he breathes through it, and he’s getting better at pushing past it. It’s like… hitting a wall full force. It hurts like a bitch, but gives just enough to break through. The pain doesn’t last forever. Still, he can barely run a hundred feet before it starts up.

Jesus. What’s life going to be like, _walking_ everywhere? Taking the slow route. God, what the hell is _driving_ going to be like?

Who is he, if not a speedster?

What’s a speedster that can’t even run?

“Babe?”

Wally starts at the sound, not expecting it. He barely has time to lift his head before heavy foot falls come tearing towards him.

**_“Wally!”_ **

He shifts onto his elbows to see Dick sprinting at him, his expression one of terror.

“Dick?”

“Are you okay!?”

“Yeah…?”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Dick falls to his knees next to the red head, clutching at his shoulders. “Don’t fucking _do_ that, you scared the shit out of me!”

“Why?”

“ _Why?_ You’re laying on the ground at the top of the fucking mountain, I thought you’d had another spell or… something…”

_I did_ , Wally thinks. He knows saying it out loud would just scare Dick more, and he doesn’t want that, so he shakes his head.

“Just needed some space to think.”

Dick frowns, reaching out to brush a sweaty lock of red hair away from his eyes. “How… How’re you feeling?”

“Uh…” Wally breathes out a mirthless laugh, staring past him. “Good question. Not sure.”

He’s lying.

He’s angry. And hurt. And sad. Betrayed by his own body.

“What happened to your hand?”

Wally glances down at his knuckles. The blood has dried now, his accelerated healing already kicking in and stitching his broken skin back together. It’s still a gruesome sight.

“Punched a mirror.”

Dick purses his lips. He can’t say much. Wally knows how many walls he’s punched in anger.

“How’d you know I was here?”

Dick shrugs. “Educated guess.”  

“Oh.”

Wally hadn’t realized it when he’d come up here, but this was _their_ spot. Since they first discovered it in the Team’s early days, this particular shelf of the mountain was where they’d spent most of their teenager years together, to talk or watch the stars or just be idiot best friends. He should’ve known this was where he would end up.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Wally sighs, dropping from his elbows to lay on the ground again with a thud. The smack of the hard dirt against his back is a different pain than the one he’s been feeling – it’s almost refreshing to feel something new. At this point the chest pain is more annoying than anything. It’s just a reminder of his own multitude of failures.

“I dunno.”

Dick lays down next to Wally on his side, propped up on one elbow. His fingers are combing through Wally’s hair again. The motion is gentle, and appreciated, but not as comforting as it usually is.

“Would it be easier to talk to Barry? I can go find-”

Wally’s interrupting him with a scoff before he even realizes it. “Barry? Are you kidding?”

“What?”

“All I’d get from Barry is pity. I don’t want that.”

Dick’s frown hadn’t left his face, and now it only deepens. “You know that’s not true.”

“He knows how it feels to _run_ , Dick. He knows what that-… what it means to me.”

“Wally, you’re-…” Dick swallows hard, his fingers stilling in Wally’s hair just for a moment. “It’s _killing_ you… This is about so much more than just running…”

Wally sits upright faster than Dick had probably been expecting, since he flinches back a bit.

“ _All of this_ is about running, Dick.” Wally knows his voice is angry, his face twisted into something cruel and he doesn’t want it to, but he can’t help it. “You can’t tell me that if someone said that you could _never_ be in the air again – that you’d _die_ if you tried it one too many times – you can’t tell me you wouldn’t feel like I do right now.”

Dick goes quiet, staring off to the side in thought. It’s a while before he speaks again.

“No. It would be… I can’t imagine it…”

Wally lets out a heavy sigh, leaning his elbow on his knees and burying his face in his palms.

“But Wally…” Dick sits up too, placing a gentle hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Barry’s not just another speedster, he’s… he’s your uncle. He loves you. And he’s terrified for you. We-… we all are.”

He rubs harshly at the wetness in his eyes, trying to dispel the burning. He’s frustrated, still angry, but he knows that Dick is right. Wally doesn’t want to be angry with Dick, he doesn’t deserve that, but it’s all he can feel right now.

“I know…” He murmurs, sitting up a little straighter and leaning into Dick’s touch. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I know this is…” Dick pauses, smoothing his hand across Wally’s back, curling an arm around his waist. “Look, if you can’t talk to me, just _try_ to talk to Barry. Yeah, he understands what this means to you but… he’s not going to pity you. He’s just scared, too.”

“I know…”

Dick’s breath is shaky, his eyes glossy, and Wally hates that it’s because of him.

“Babe… You can’t… You know you can’t keep going like this, right?”

Wally bites the inside of his cheek. “I know.”

“Do you?” Dick turns to him, squinting a little as he searches Wally’s face for any sign of deception.

Wally was right. Dick knows him too well not to ask.

“I do.” Wally stares at the ground. “Can’t help the fact that I want to.”

Dick takes a deep breath. “Babe...”

“I know.”

“You have to stop running.”

“I know…”

“You’re going to kill yourself if you don’t.”

“I _know_!” Wally throws his hands between them in frustration, fingers stretched and palms outward. “But– _fuck_ – it’s not that simple, Dick!”

Great. Now he’s yelling. And Dick’s just taking it, because Wally’s frustrated. They’re quiet for a while, Wally waiting for his breathing to slow.

“I’m sorry…”

“S’okay.”

“No, it’s not…” Wally leans the side of his head against Dick’s, closing his eyes. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at… everything else. I don’t… I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

Dick nods. “I get it.”

“I just…” Wally sighs again, blinking away tears as he stares up at the sky. “I just don’t know what I am now. Who I am. I’ve been a speedster since I was 12, I can’t… I don’t remember what it’s like to be… normal.”

Dick lets out a quiet laugh, and Wally looks at him skeptically.

“Sorry,” He’s still chuckling softy. “I just don’t think you’ve ever been normal.”

Wally can help the small smile pulling at his lips, wiping a stray tear from his lashes as he shoves his best friend in gentle retaliation. “Shut up.”

“It’s true.”

“Jerk.”

Dick just squeezes his arm tightly around him, resting his cheek on Wally’s shoulder. “Walls… I know this is going to be rough… But, I’m never going to let you forget who you are.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I know exactly who you are.”

“Oh?”

Dick smiles, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Yeah.”

“Who am I, then?”

He leans back to look Wally in the eyes. “You want me to get into it now?”

Wally shrugs. “This would be a good time for it, yeah.”

Dick watches him for a moment, as if he’s trying to decide whether or not he should. “Okay.”

He turns to face him fully, sitting cross-legged and taking both of Wally’s hands in his own. Wally starts to feel the need to brace himself, with the way that Dick’s staring at him.

“You’re my best friend. You’re the love of my life. You’re the best damn person I know.”

Wally bites his lip, trying to look away, but his boyfriend catches his chin between his thumb and forefinger as he does, forcing him to stare right back into those intense blue eyes.

“You’re always kind, always funny. You have a good word about anyone, and always own up to your mistakes. You make me laugh harder than anyone else and shine brighter than the sun when you smile. You’re brash and impulsive and so fucking infuriating that it makes me want to _scream_ , but you never fail to make up for the problems you cause. And I know that even if you can never use your powers again, you’ll find some way to be a hero.”

He’s screwing his eyes shut and leaning his forehead against Dick’s. He doesn’t know what to say, but that turns out to be okay, because Dick doesn’t seem to be finished.

“Being a speedster isn’t everything you are. You’re so much more than that. You’re loving, and brave, and good. You’re the little boy that took one look at the traumatized, obsessive eleven-year-old who rejected you at first glance, and decided you were going to be his best friend. You have the biggest heart I’ve ever known. That’s the person I fell in love with. Not the fastest-kid-alive, but the kid who wanted so badly to be a hero that he nearly killed himself for it. The man who never gives up on anyone, no matter the cost.”

Wally’s head is dropping to Dick’s shoulder now, his body curling up into Dick’s chest as both arms come up around him.

“You can’t give up now, Walls. Not on yourself.”

There’s pain in his chest again, but it’s not bad. It’s like a dull ache, consistent and strong, and it takes Wally a minute to recognize it as love. His heart is clenching, but it’s a good feeling. It’s dizzying and heavy and persistent, but Wally never wants this intensity to stop.

“How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Fuckin’… figure me out like that?”

“Years of careful observation.” Dick laughs, his chin coming to rest on top of Wally’s head.

They’re quiet again, but this time it’s comfortable. Wally’s not sure how Dick managed it, but he feels better. Not okay, but better.

“Dick?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

There’s a soft kiss pressed to his temple. “I love you too, Wally.”

He nudges his nose against the side of Dick’s neck, burying his face there. “I just… I don’t know what to do…”

“That’s okay.”

“How–…?” Wally sighs, his breath settling wet against Dick’s skin. “How do I live a normal life when everything still feels like it’s moving in slow motion? I’m still a speedster, I just can’t… _move_. I don’t know how to exist like this…”

“Well, you don’t have to figure it all out right now. It’s okay to be confused.”

“I don’t like it.”

Dick chuckles quietly into ginger hair, and Wally’s lips pull up into a smile despite himself. He’s stubborn, so sue him. “I think you just have to think about this the same way you had to think about life when you first got your powers.”

“How?”

“Take it one step at a time.”

“Somehow I think that’s gonna be harder…”

“Than being a hyperactive teenager with superspeed? Impossible.”

Wally’s laughing now too, and he’s not sure how Dick is making him do that when it still feels like his life is falling apart.

Dick shifts, turning his head to the side to look down at Wally, who’s still resting his head on Dick’s chest. “It’s gonna be okay, babe.”

“How do you know?”

“We’re gonna figure this out.”

Wally looks back up at Dick, green eyes still glossy, but heart a little lighter now.

“Together?”

Dick smiles, and Wally starts to feel like he could be right.

Things could be okay.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. So. It's come to my attention that these fics are getting a little sporadic when it's comes to a timeline, and I've only just realized that because I do /have/ a timeline?? It's just all in my head at this point. So, I will be reorganizing these fics a little bit in the future to have them make more sense, when I've got a few more fics out there that jump in time. 
> 
> That being said, the majority of the fics I've posted so far all happen within a relatively short period of time. I'd say about six months to a year. The relationship I'm building between Dick and Wally isn't completely linear here, so you may have to pay attention to my notes in the future if the timeline confuses you, but I'll always have a disclaimer with their ages/the part in the timeline that fic exists within. My muse is a little finicky, so I'll just be posting whatever comes out first, but I'll do my best to keep it in an orderly fashion.
> 
> I think there's gonna be some actual plot coming into this series soon, if I can ever get it planned out. The style of fic will probably stay the same: focusing on Dick and Wally and how /they/ come together/relate to each other, but there might be some more guest appearances of other characters! So if you love the rest of the YJ team as much as I do, stay tuned!!
> 
> <3
> 
> ~~~~
> 
> If you want to yell at me about birdflash/batfam/dc in general, hit me up at notstars-doors.tumblr.com !!! :D


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